


Shattered

by SophiaDreith



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 23:05:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5983666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SophiaDreith/pseuds/SophiaDreith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>His hand came up and he hadn’t been able to stop the happiness and relief that filled his very being when her hand came out as well. But then her eyes had widened and everything changed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jedi-ren](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jedi-ren).



Kylo remembered finding her . . . Her essence calling out to him from the trading outpost of a desert planet. He’d felt her from  _ systems _ away, her light shining through the darkness of his mind, of his . . . soul. The Knight had been unable to resist the call, the lure of this perfectly beautiful mind.

And while he could feel her, finding her was another story. She was on a desert planet in the far flung western reaches. It was almost completely devoid of sentient life but he’d still had to go through several villages and kill an old friend of his before he found her. She'd been young, perhaps all of sixteen, her dark hair pulled away from her face into three buns. Her dark eyes had been suspicious and fearful of him, his mask and dark clothing looking so foreign to her in this desert landscape.

Kylo walked closer. “Who are you?” He’d asked, his voice almost trembling.

She’d looked ready to flee and she’d taken a step back. “I’m no one.”

The girl’s back hit the AT-AT that she called home in her attempt to escape and was unable to move further away even as he glided ever closer to her. He sensed her fear of him, of his darkness and his hunger for the serenity of a true Force-bond.

He finally stopped when there was barely a hair’s breadth between them. “You’ll never be no one again. Because you’re mine.” He pitched his voice lower and added a layer of command. “ _ Now, what is your name _ ?”

She tried to look away. Even through his mask, his gaze was enough to make men weep and she was no different. 

She gathered her courage and said, “I’m Rey.”

Kylo nodded. “Gather your things, Rey. We’re leaving.”

At this she finally did look back up at him. “No. I can’t,” she whispered.

His head tilted in confusion. “Why would you remain on this planet? I can feel your mind. You could have left years ago. But you’ve remained . . . ” His hand came up and softly stroked her cheek. “Ah . . . I feel it now. Your  _ desperate _ loneliness . . . I feel it eating away at you. The longing for the family that left you behind, that abandoned you here.”

Moisture was gathering in the corners of her eyes. “Please don’t.” She’d said, brokenly.

But he would not let her hide from him. “You don’t allow anyone else close to you. Because they leave. They  _ always _ leave you.”

Her eyes slid shut against the pain of his words and a single tear fell. He wiped it away with his gloved thumb, his expression one of satisfaction beneath the mask.

“I will never leave you. I will never abandon you,” he’d said consolingly.

Rey shook her head. “I don’t know you.” She tried to push him away but his other hand came up to her shoulder and pushed her roughly back into the hot metal of the AT-AT.

Kylo leaned in even closer. “You  _ do _ . Even now your mind is shifting to accept me, accept our connection. I feel you within my thoughts as well.”

“What connection?” she asked, confusion heavy in her tone.

He would need to teach her, that much was obvious. “Through the Force. The light side of the Force flows powerfully through you.”

Rey had blinked up at him in confusion. “Are you a Jedi?”

A rumble of disgust had rolled through his chest. “No.”

“Then what are you?”

“I am the master of the Knights of Ren.”

Her eyes widened. “You’re with the First Order!”

“Yes. As you too will soon be,” he’d growled as he pulled her close enough that she was all but plastered to his chest.

Her hands came up and she tried to push him away. “No! I won’t!” The very idea that she thought to escape him was slightly irritating. His little desert mouse would one day be a great warrior, but that day was not there yet.

_ Enough of this, _ he’d thought.

But all he’d said was, “You will.” He pulled her mind so far apart that it snapped and she fell unconscious. Kylo quickly caught her and he held her limp form close. She wouldn’t escape him. Or their destiny. 

Kylo remembered the look on Hux’s face as he’d brought her aboard. The ginger-haired man’s curiosity at the Knight carrying a dust rat onto the  _ Finalizer _ as if she was a precious gem. Hux was nothing, though, and Kylo did not even acknowledge the man as he walked swiftly through the ship towards his quarters.

His first inclination was to place her within his own chambers; they would one day be bond-mates, after all. But despite the maturity of her mind and the fact that her soul had seen the horrors of a scavenger life, her body was still far from desirable to him. He’d feel differently in a few years, but in this moment she was so small in his arms and reminded him far too much of an undernourished child. 

But he was hesitant to leave her alone even while she slept, so he chose the room beside his own. He still held her as he called for many of his own personal things to be brought into the room. 

She’d awoken later, her body and mind not knowing how to react to the plush mattress and gossamer-spun sheets of the bed. He’d give her any luxury she desired and shower her with everything that she didn’t. Kylo had pulled a chair close to the bed so that he could watch her as she slept. He’d felt the second she became aware that something was wrong—her fingers had clenched in the dark sheets and her eyelids had tightened.

“I know you’re awake. It’s no use hiding yourself from me,” he’d breathed.

Her eyes had snapped open and she’d glared at him only a fraction of a second before her gaze swept through his chambers.

“Where am I?” she demanded to know.

Kylo sighed. “Can’t you tell?” he asked rather than answering. 

Her eyes narrowed and he could tell she was finally noticing the hum of the engines. “We’re in space. You kidnapped me and now we’re on a ship.”

He scoffed. “ _ Kidnapped _ is such a harsh word but yes, we are on the  _ Finalizer _ , my flagship destroyer.” And they were already in hyperspace and well away from that dustball, Jakku.

She looked down at the sheets that were wrapped comfortably around her and she fingered their softness. “Why? Why are you doing this? You don’t even know me.”

“I know everything I need to know. And in time, you will tell me the rest.” She would come to realize that he’d done her a favor, taking her away. 

Rey didn’t seem impressed with his answer, though. “And you? Will you tell me anything? Are you even  _ human _ ?” she’d sneered.

Kylo chuckled. “I assure you, I am a man.”

“Then why do you hide your face?”

The Knight was silent for a moment before he got up and walked to sit beside her on the bed. She shuffled away but kept her eyes on him. He reached up and unclasped his mask and raised it off his head, looking at her. “I will never hide anything from you, Rey.”

Her eyes had swept over his face and even at her young age, he could feel that she found him attractive. He smiled. She was too young then but it wouldn’t always be so.

In that first year she’d fought him every step of the way, lashing out and attacking him physically and mentally. Fighting to return to that desolate planet. He’d had to punish her, lock her up in the detention block for days, but he could never bring himself to strike out at her in anger. Despite what Hux insinuated time and again, she was his equal, not a pet. 

By nineteen, Rey had all but given up her escape attempts. He was able to trust her to complete missions alone. And it was then that things changed. He’d been brooding in his quarters when the doors opened without even a knock or a chime, which meant it could only be one person.

“Kylo.”

The Knight looked up at his apprentice. She’d become more statuesque in the three years that she’d been with him, her lean body filling out her battle attire well.

His eyes narrowed. “What is it?”

Rey tilted her head. “You tell me. I can feel your uneasiness from the other side of the ship,” she stated, her tone flippant.

Kylo gnashed his teeth in irritation. “We have been summoned by the Supreme Leader.”

Her expression didn’t change. “That is not so unusual. You are his fav—”

“I said, ‘we’. Not I.  _ We _ . He wants to see  _ you _ ,” he retorted angrily.

Rey shrugged and walked over to sit across from him. “You knew it would happen sooner or later,” she said patiently.

Kylo eyed her critically but nodded. “Indeed. But I had hoped for more time.”

She sat back and crossed her arms with a sigh. “Snoke is an impatient man. And you took an apprentice without his permission. It’s amazing that he’s only now giving a damn three years later.”

The Knight’s lips tightened at the reminder. “I do not require anyone’s permission to train an apprentice. I am the master of the Knights.”

Rey wasn’t impressed, but then she hadn’t been for some time. “And he is _ your  _ master. You have a loyalty bond with him. He’s calling us so that he can invoke the same upon me.”

Kylo knew that of course. She’d grown too powerful, and Snoke was right to fear her. It would not be the first time that a Knight had tried to use an apprentice, one without a loyalty bond, to kill the Supreme Leader. And as his bond-mate, she would be able to draw on Kylo’s power as well if she chose to challenge the Snoke.

She got up and walked slowly around his desk until she stood before him. She leaned over until her face was level with his. He couldn’t stop the sudden, sharp intake of breath but she ignored his reaction to their proximity.

Her voice was all business. “I can do it,” she whispered. “I can defeat him.”

Kylo shook off his thoughts and looked away. “You can’t. You aren’t strong enough yet. He may not be the most powerful fighter, but his mind magics are unparallelled.”

She stood up and took a step back. “So, I won’t fall under his spell, then.”

He snorted. “That easy, is it? You will be able to do what none of the hundreds who have come before you have been able to do?”

Her chin raised. “Yes”

Kylo shook his head. “You’re an idiot.”

Rey’s eyes narrowed and her lip twitched in anger. “I am what you made me.”

Kylo looked up at her. His protege who still would not let him closer to her, mentally or physically.

She felt his thoughts of course and she turned away. “Because you’ve done nothing to deserve it.”

He watched as she came back around the desk but didn’t sit down again. “Have I not given you everything you desired? Beautiful clothing, rich food, education? What have I _ not _ done for you?” He demanded.

Rey shook her head in disgust. “I’ve no interest in material things. If you knew me at all, you’d know that.”

She’d turned and walked away, the sound of his fist hitting his desk echoing behind her.

Rey had not spoken to him in the days that followed. Not until he’d brought her before the Supreme Leader. As they knelt before the pale, scared man, he’d felt her apprehension through the Force. Kylo did his best to send her thoughts of reassurance even as the wizened old man had eyed her. Kylo had felt sick at the hunger he’s seen in that poisonous gaze.

Snoke circled her. “Quite the protege you have, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo swallowed thickly. “Thank you, master.”

The Supreme Leader finally stopped in front of Rey. He was silent as he bent over slightly to place a finger beneath her chin, forcing her to look up at him. “What is your name?

She met his eyes and Kylo could have kicked her. “I am Ka’gan Ren, master.”

Kylo could not tear his gaze away from the bone-white finger that moved ever so slightly over the skin of her chin.

Snoke’s voice was little more than a murmur. “That is the name you wear, but not the name you hold to be true.  _ What is your name? _ ” he questioned her again.

Her lips tightened but she answered. “I am Rey. Just Rey.”

Snoke hummed a bit before standing again at his full height. He held out a hand to her. “Well, Rey. Come, I would have a better look at you.”

Rey stood up without taking his hand and again Kylo wished she would have just taken the easy path. Her insolence would not be tolerated for long. As it was, Snoke didn’t seem overly bothered yet and he circled her again, his eyes tracing her as one would a dewback before purchase and Kylo forced his emotions into check.

Snoke’s next words were almost thoughtful. “Yes, quite the protege. More powerful than your master, I think.”

It was not what Kylo wished to hear but she answered, “it is every apprentice’s wish to surpass their teacher.”

Snoke chuckled. “Yes. Yes, I suppose it is. Very good. Now . . . You will accept the loyalty bond to me and become one of the Knights.”

She froze and looked back at Kylo but he met her gaze head on. Their bond fairly vibrated with his screams for her to submit. She would be killed if she didn’t. 

Rey didn’t answer the grizzled man and Kylo could not help but hiss, “Rey!”

Her eyes narrowed as she looked from one to the other, her expression torn. 

The Supreme Leader did not like to be kept waiting and his voice dropped an octave, “Girl . . . ” 

Kylo felt her mind smooth out as she made her decision and he almost took a breath of relief, but her next word shattered that.

“ _ No _ !” Her staff saber flew into her hand and the red glow made her look far more dangerous than Kylo knew her to be. The dim and cavernous throne room was awash with the light of her saber and the color only intensified as Snoke took a step back and his own lightsaber lit up. 

He did not take a fighting stance but instead stood there sedately. “Are you sure this is the path you choose to take? You can still accept the bond and leave here with your life.”

Kylo looked frantically between the pair. She would surely be killed. “Rey! Think about what you’re doing! Accept the bond!”

He’d never seen a more hateful look on her face as what she threw towards him. Her saber came up higher and she gnashed her teeth as she drew upon Kylo’s own power.

“I will not be a slave to you,” she spat out at Snoke.

The Supreme Leader laughed. “Oh girl, you became a slave the second he found you.” He turned towards Kylo. “Do not move. I will deal with you after I pull the wings from this insect.”

Kylo felt the loyalty bond wrap around him like a snake around its prey and the harder he struggled the tighter it became. He could only watch as Snoke leapt at her, striking out aggressively and she managed to block him as Kylo had taught her. They moved around the room and he struggled to get up to help her but there was nothing he could do from the floor. He could see sweat pouring from her brow as she kept the Supreme Leader from gaining the upper hand. She struck out with a swing of her own and Snoke was forced back as a blackened mark appeared and Kylo smelled the scent of burning flesh. 

The Supreme Leader’s face twisted into a mask of fury and it seemed that his patience had run out. The pale man reached out with the Force and took hold of her body, forcing her back and against the wall. Kylo could only watch in horror as her arm twisted at an unnatural angle before being ripped from her body. Her blood-curdling screams filled the vast and cavernous throne room. Horror gripped him as she fell to the ground in a heap and blood began pouring from the wound. But she was still alive. Though for how much longer, Kylo could not even guess.

Kylo turned his gaze from her back to the Supreme Leader, who panted heavily from exerting so much physical power. The Knight could tell he was severely weakened by the way his steps became slow and measured, as if he were afraid of falling over, himself. But that did not stop the hissing gurgling noise from escaping him.

Saliva flew from his scarred mouth as his stalked slowly forward toward the Knight. “You . . . You brought an apprentice to  _ kill me _ ?”

Kylo could do nothing but struggle against the Force-bonds that held him fast to the tiled floor. “No! No, master. She is misguided. Please, spare her.”

If anything, the words only made Snoke angrier and the loyalty bond was like a raging inferno inside Kylo’s mind. “Oh, I intend to. I will keep her alive indefinitely as I slice skin, muscle and limbs from her body. Every day a new piece will be cut off until she is nothing but blood and bone.”

_ No! _

Even as Snoke threatened him, his movements became even more labored. Kylo knew he would not call in any guards or other Knights. He would not allow this weakness to be seen by any other. The Knight looked back towards his apprentice. Rey seemed to be in some kind of shock and her eyes were glazed over, but she was still breathing. Kylo fought to get back up, to defend himself. To save Rey. But his body was immobile and his power almost gone after she’d drained his strength to aid her before.

Snoke finally stopped, only a few steps from Kylo. “This ends now.” 

He raised his lightsaber, intent on killing the Knight, and Kylo shut his eyes—but nothing happened. Seconds ticked by until he finally opened his eyes and looked up. A burst of red light shone through Snoke’s chest. The scarred man was looking down at the light of a saber sticking out from his sternum. Snoke didn't say anything as his lightsaber dropped uselessly to the ground. He blinked in confusion as if he could not understand what was happening and then the saber was pulled up and through the wrinkled man’s skull.

Snoke fell over and Kylo could only look on dumbly as he felt the Force bond lift from him. He looked back up at his savior just as Rey fell towards the ground. He quickly scrambled and caught her before she could crack her skull on the hard tiles.

She was still alive, but there was blood everywhere. He did his best to try and staunch the bleeding and her mouth moved rapidly as if she was trying to say something, but Kylo would not stop to hear her. He picked her up and ran as fast as his legs would allow out of the throne room and through the palace. All around him he could see the Knights coming forward to find out what had happened, why the loyalty bond had disappeared.

But he ignored all of them until he came to a med bay. He placed her on one of the raised platform beds and began screaming for a droid to assist him. There was a flurry of movement but Kylo ignored them all as he met her gaze.

His hand came up to cup her cheek. “You’re not going to die on me,” he whispered.

She blinked but didn’t seem to hear him as he was shoved out of the bay by the medical droid. They tried to force him out of the room, but a single roar from him had them scurrying off. He watched as they worked to stop the bleeding and hooked her up to monitors that were beeping slowly. They placed an IV in her arm and pumped more blood into her system—all he could do was watch as the droid anesthetized her and set to work tying off the arteries and veins around the stump where her arm had been. Eventually her vitals leveled out and she fell unconscious from the drugs they’d given her. 

They could not reattach her arm as the damage was far too severe and she’d been fitted with a basic mechanical arm. Kylo hadn’t liked looking at it, the cold and hard limb reminder of his failure to protect her - he’d wanted her re-fitted with an arm lined with derma-gel. It would look and feel like real skin, as if she’d never had an injury. But she’d instead chosen to keep the noticeably metal arm.

He’d eyed the crude thing that gleamed silver in the light of the med bay. “Why would you want to keep that?”

“So I won’t ever forget what I gave up.”

He bit back a snarl. “For me.”

Rey rolled her eyes and shook her head. “ _ For everyone _ . They’re calling you the new Supreme Leader.”

Kylo scoffed. “I am no leader of the First Order.”

“You’d rather it was  _ Hux, _ ” she snorted, knowing his answer.

The Knight was silent for a few minutes and he contemplated all he could do now. The changes he could make to the Order and power that came with being a ruler. But . . . He looked over at Rey’s broken and weak form. None of that was what he  _ really _ wanted.

“I’d rather leave and go where none would find us,” he said with as much sincerity as he could. Her head snapped up and she looked over his face, gauging his expression. He could feel her moving around his mind, searching his thoughts and intentions.

She abruptly pulled away and her voice was emotionless. “You know that’s impossible. Not after all that has happened. Neither the Resistance nor the First Order would allow us to roam free across the galaxy.”

He licked his suddenly dry lips. “I know.”

“You’ll need to solidify your rule soon and put the other Knights in their place. And no doubt Hux is already pulling strings within the Order.”

He let some of irritation show at her blasé manner. “I know.”

Kylo felt some of Rey’s own irritation mixed with a sense of smug superiority. She’d never liked the other Knights. She was picturing all the ways she could force the others to obey. As it was, she didn’t look at him as she asked, “so, what are you going to do about it?”

He leaned back and pursed his lips. “The Knights will be made to learn - already they clamor for our favor. And as for Hux . . . I’ll not let that little ginger menace out of my sight. He’s too valuable to kill but I’ll won’t be made a fool of by my own general. He’s shallow, so I think we’ll start by making sure our quarters are larger than his.”

She’d looked at him thoughtfully. “You can have whatever size quarters you’d like.”

Kylo’s eyes narrowed at her deliberate brushing aside of the point of his statement. “It would be better for ours to be double sized.”

Rey crossed her arms. “There will be no ‘our quarters’ because you and I will not be sharing space.”

The Knight leaned forward, anger suffusing his mind and passing along the Force to her. “After what just happened? I know you care for me, and yet you still reject me.”

Her eyes slid away and shook her head mutinously. “You are my master. I can deny you nothing.”

His fist came down hard on the armrest of his chair, splintering the wood. “But you will  _ give me nothing _ .”

Rey’s jaw tightened. “My feelings haven’t changed. Our power balances each other out, I do not deny that anymore. And I feel closer to you than I ever have with anyone else. But I don’t desire you that way.”

His jaw trembled in hurt and anger. “You are as shallow as the rest.”

She snorted in disdain. “Only you would twist my words into something so vapid. As if you are unaware of your own beauty. I require more in a romantic partner than what you offer.”

“Loyalty, power, passion?”

“Love, kindness and respect. It isn't in you to give me that,” she said and she seemed tired. He could find no lie within her words.

Kylo gritted his teeth. “I can learn if you give me a chance.”

She looked down at the metal arm that flexed as she moved her fingers. “Perhaps one day.”

Four years later, that day still had not arrived but they were a well oiled machine and the First Order, now the Empire of Ren, had all but crushed the Resistance. They’d left the Republic alone and focused their attention now on the rag-tag group of soldiers and pilots that continued to try to thwart the ever expanding base of the Empire’s power. But their perseverance was not enough, and the war was swiftly coming to an end. Their only hope laid in finding the exiled Luke Skywalker.

Kylo Ren was the new Supreme Leader, but he still participated in battles and raids in person. If he could not handle his own dirty work, he did not deserve to lead. It was during one such raid, while searching for the map to Skywalker, that he felt the odd thread of recalcitrance. None of the villagers should be broadcasting such emotions as they were all dead or dying. His eyes narrowed as he looked around, searching for the origin of the emotion. 

He found it within a stormtrooper. FN-2187 was as unremarkable as any other ‘trooper but he did not wish to kill the villagers. He  _ refused  _ to kill the villagers. Kylo could feel Rey’s curiosity over their connection and he knew that she was also aware of FN. Kylo studied the ‘trooper for a few seconds before Phasma came up behind him. 

“Sir, the pilot is long gone.”

He’d thought as much and called for a retreat, his eyes sliding to Rey as she stood still amongst the dying battle. Her focus remained on the ‘trooper. FN-2187 had drawn her attention and Kylo felt threads of jealousy weave around him. Rey did not meet his eyes as she boarded the shuttle. The moment she had looked towards him was the moment FN-2187 was marked for death. 

Kylo only wished he’d taken care of it sooner. Perhaps then, less than a day after becoming aware of FN-2187, he would not have had to watch the security footage that showed the final moments that Rey spent aboard the  _ Finalizer _ . Before she’d left him.

Kylo felt his hands clenching into fists as he watched the pair in the alcove. The vid was not as clear as he’d wished but her words were. “You need to leave. Kylo Ren knows you will turn traitor. He felt your thoughts through the Force.”

The trooper had taken his helmet off and Kylo hated the way he looked at her. “Why are you telling me this?”

She looked torn before she said, “because it’s the right thing to do.”

FN-2187 had blinked and understanding dawned upon his face. “You want to leave, too.”

A slow smiled spread over her features. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

The ‘trooper nodded and the pair of them walked sedately through his ship as if they hadn’t a care in the world. After all, who would stop the apprentice of the Supreme Leader? Kylo’s face was awash with fury at the sight and his lightsaber flared to life. He felt the others in the room flinch and back away as he began destroying the console before him. Several minutes passed while his anger dissipated and he gritted his teeth at the smoking heap of metal. He’d not had a tantrum like that for years.

Of course Rey would be the cause of their return.

Someone entered the room slowly, and it must have been very important for anyone to risk his wrath while he was in such a foul mood.

“Sir, we have reports of a pair matching their description being sighted.”

He’d drag her back. “Where?”

“A planet called Takodana, sir.”

“Set a course,” he ordered.

Kylo would enjoy hearing the screams of pain as he peeled the flesh from that stormtrooper’s bones. And he’d make her watch. Thoughts like those had filled his mind in the early hours of that raid. He’d enjoyed watching his TIE fighters and ‘troopers mow down everything in their path. Though he had been careful to order that all weapons be set to stun—he wanted them both alive.

The wreckage of the filthy bar surrounded him as he stepped off the command shuttle and looked around, his eyes searching for only one person amongst the destruction.

“Sir, a girl was spotted west heading through the woods.”

He reached out with the Force. Yes, there she was. Running from him. Running from the inevitable. Kylo walked quickly through the thicket of trees, his mind reaching out to brush against hers but it was like running into a steel trap. It didn’t matter. He’d find her no matter where she ran.

Kylo came around a rock and entered a clearing. He stopped abruptly when he spotted her standing there. Her dark clothing made her stand out in the mottled sunlight that was able to break through the canopy above.

“Not such a coward, after all.”

She ignored the jab. “I’m not going back.”

He gazed at her in rapt attention. Why couldn’t she just stay by his side? Why did everything have to be a fight?

He wanted to ask her these things but to do so would make him sound weak. “You think you can walk away from me?”

“I already have. I know about Starkiller Base,” she snapped back.

His eyes widened and now he wasn’t able to keep the fear from his voice. “How did you find out about that?”

Rey’s face was twisted into something ugly. “ _ You  _ might be able to hide things from me. But your general is not so well guarded, despite your precautions. You knew I would disapprove and yet you built it anyway and hid it from me.”

Kylo did his best to reason with her. “You’ll understand later that this was necessary, Rey. I’m doing this for the good of the Empire!”

She shook her head. “All your talk of us being equals. Your constant presence in my mind pleading with me to give you a chance. I wanted to.  _ I longed to _ . You promised me that day that you would never hide anything from me. But you are a _ liar _ ,” she sneered and his heart broke at the tears that slipped from her eyes.

Kylo felt the air leave his chest and he struggled to breathe. She wanted him? After seven years together, she’d have given him a chance? And again, his failure was of his own making. 

A modulated voice called from behind him. “Sir! we need to call in air support!”

This had gone on long enough. He would take her back and dismantle the base. That should make her happy. Her mind was still shut to him so she could not feel these thoughts.

“Call a retreat! I have what I want.”

She grimaced at his words. “I am no longer yours!” 

He would not hurt her, but she needed to be brought to heel. Kylo came at her, but he didn’t pull out his cross saber. He wouldn’t risk compounding the problem by injuring her. She looked torn but did not draw her saber either, which he counted as a point in his favor. Even without the burning furnace of the lightsabers their punches and kicks were harsh. As much as he wished he could simply fight with her until she grew tired enough to leave an opening for him,  Kylo knew he was running out of time. He lashed out with the Force and pushed her against the tree.

Kylo stalked closer to her and watched her struggle in only a small amount of satisfaction. “I can feel your anger towards me. But you’ll never hate me, Rey.”

His hand came up to knock her out but he suddenly felt burning pain in his back. He nearly fell to the ground and he let out a low groan at the pain coursing through his body.

Kylo’s fury was overtaking him. “Who  _ dares _ . . . ?” He turned around ready to physically dismember who ever it was that had shot him. 

The stormtrooper . . . 

FN-2187 held a blaster aimed at him. Kylo took a deep breath and placed one foot forward and nearly toppled over. He could not feel his foot. The fool must have done more damage than Kylo had thought. His lightsaber shot into his hand and powered on as he staggered towards the traitor. In his anger and pain, his concentration broke and Rey fell to the ground, freed from the Force hold he’d had on her.

He watched and the pain in his spine was nothing compared to the pain he felt as she ran from him toward the trooper.

Kylo met the eyes of FN-2187. “You little worm!” he hissed.

But the stormtrooper said nothing as he backed away. Kylo tried to go after them but Rey used her own power to push him and back he fell to the ground, the pain in his back tripling as he hit the forest floor. FN-2187 put his arm around Rey as if he had the right and the pair disappeared from his view. He gritted his teeth as his got up just as his forces came through the brush and found him half leaning on the trunk of a tree. He hadn’t felt this weak in years and he was forced to take their help to get back to the shuttle.

The short journey back was accompanied by the sounds of ships, specifically X-wings. The Resistance had come. He winced as he got onto his shuttle and his eyes narrowed at the X-wings flying around the crumbling structures.

This was far from over.

That had been his thought then. As it was again when he received the communique from Hux telling him the Resistance had Rey. He’d tracked their ships and they were keeping her within their base in the Illenium System. Kylo flinched as the droid finished repairing the damaged vertebrae of this spine. It was as he expected, and he wasted no time in getting dressed again before stalking onto the bridge.

Hux looked up, his expression far from pleased. “They know about Starkiller Base. And they are holding Ka’gan Ren hostage to keep us from blowing their planet into dust.”

His fists clenched. “Target the Hosnian System,” he hissed.

Hux’s eyes had widened fractionally but a slow smile spread across his features and he turned to give the orders.

Kylo turned to the communications bay. “Hail the Illenium system base. Tell them I wish to speak with their leadership.”

Within minutes, there was a positive response and the large viewscreen opened over the viewport. She’d gotten so old.

He kept his expression carefully neutral. “General Leia Organa.”

Her lips tightened. “Ben.”

He did not allow any emotion to show at the name. He’d prepared himself for this. “You have something of mine, General.”

Her chin rose fractionally. “We haven’t taken anything.”

Kylo was unimpressed by his mother. “But you have. You use her now as a shield to protect your crumbling Resistance.” 

If there was one thing Leia hated, it was being reminded of her own shortcomings and Kylo relished the tightening of her jaw. “She is here of her own free will.” 

His head tilted slightly. “Is she now? I would speak to her.”

Leia’s eyes moved off screen and she nodded shortly. Rey stepped into view, her face unsure.

His eyes moved over her form. She  _ seemed _ unharmed. “Are you alright?” He asked and she looked incredibly guilty. Kylo felt a spark of pleasure. 

She licked her dry lips. “I-I’m fine, Kylo . . . Are  _ you  _ alright?”

He allowed a small smile. “It will take more than one traitorous stormtrooper to end my life.”

She grimaced. “I meant what I said. I’m not coming back.”

Kylo’s eyes narrowed and his mouth twisted. “If you’re not here to stop me, then think of the things I will do.”

She looked up and steeled herself. “You won’t destroy the Resistance. Not with me here.”

She was right, of course. “I don’t need to destroy that tattered pack of rebels. If you aren’t returned to me, I will destroy the Hosnian System.”

Her jaw dropped and she looked over to where presumably Leia was. “We can’t let him do that. I need to go back.”

Leia came onto the screen. “You’re lying. You would not kill billions of people just to get her back.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You think I’m bluffing? You should know . . .  _ Mother _ , that I never bluff.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she looked back at Leia in confusion. “You don’t understand. He will destroy that system if I don’t go back.”

Leia’s voice took on a slightly frantic edge. “If I turn you over he’ll destroy  _ us _ instead.”

Rey shook her head wildly and her hand reached to her waistband and Kylo felt gratified. She would fight her way back to return to him. He watched avidly looking to see what would happen. But it was not to be. A dark figure came from the shadows and his hand mimed that of a caress down Rey's face. She collapsed only to be caught by the figure.

_ Skywalker.  _

Fury saturated Kylo’s words. “I see you’ve crawled out from beneath that rock you’ve hidden under for so many years.”

The old man looked more determined than Kylo had ever seen him. He was far from the broken creature that Kylo had left as a child. “You need to be stopped, Ben.”

He said nothing to Skywalker beyond shooting him with a glare before turning back to the general. “I will offer you this one final time. Return my bonded to me or the Hosnian System will burn.”

Her lips tightened. “No,” she whispered.

He’d honestly hoped to avoid this but he would not go back on his word. “Very well.” Kylo turned to Hux. “Fire the weapon.”

Hux looked positively gleeful as he gave the order and Kylo was able to enjoy his own view of Leia’s slack-jawed countenance as the base fired the weapon, wiping out the four populated planets of the Republic’s capital. He could tell she felt the loss of so many lives through the Force as he did. It didn’t affect him, but the pain on her face told him that it did to her. 

He kept his voice low and threatening. “As I told you, mother—I never bluff. You have one hour to return her to me or I will fire the weapon again. And another trillion deaths will be on your conscience.”

He cut the connection and stood there silently as the officers of the bridge congratulated themselves on this small victory.

Kylo turned towards his general. “Hux, with me,” he ordered as he walked towards his office, the red haired man a few steps behind.

Hux waited until the door was shut behind him. “Yes, sir.”

Kylo didn’t sit down. “Prepare the fleet to invade the Illenium system.”

The general threw him a confused look. “But sir, did you not wish to use the weapon again?”

Kylo’s jaw tightened. “I did not wish to use it the first time,” he hissed. “The Hosnian system was not the enemy of the Empire. But I could not back down from her challenge.” he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I saw it in her eyes. She will let this entire galaxy burn before giving Rey back to me. We need to strike quickly with the element of surprise.”

Hux didn’t look happy but he nodded none the less. “Of course sir. I will ready the fleet.”

Kylo had nodded and less than an hour later, he’d joined the first wave of soldiers that had landed on the planet. TIE fighters and X-wings flew around, shooting at one another and destroying everything. But none of that meant anything, all that mattered was finding her. His eyes slid shut and he felt her through the Force, but her mind was faint. She was still unconscious. 

He strode through the complex, feeling around for her and all the while slicing through Resistance soldiers like a hot knife through butter. But before allowing them the quiet embrace of death, he had ripped information from their minds on her location.

It had taken him many wrong turns and dead ends as the buildings collapsed, but he’d found her. Found her laid on the ground in a conference room. He was by her side in seconds and his fingers moved over her face, reconnecting her to the land of the living. 

Her eyes fluttered open as she awoke. “Kylo . . . ”

She sat up slowly and didn't stop him as both his hands cupped her jaw and neck. He looked her in the eye. “I’ve come for you.” Her mind was a jumbled mess but he picked up on her anxiety about Leia immediately.

She took a shuttering breath. “I didn’t know, Kylo,” she whispered.

Yet another secret that would have saved him much grief if he’d been honest. “I know. I should have told you.”

Kylo was about to help Rey back up when a voice interrupted them. “It’s almost as if you’re ashamed of your own mother, Ben.”

He abruptly whirled around and found the general holding a blaster aimed towards him, fighters filling in around her. His eyes narrowed. “You ceased to be my parent when you sent me away. I’ve not thought of you as such in twenty years.”

“Your father left because of you,” she hissed at him.

Kylo barked out a laugh. “He left because he could not stand to be around your narcissistic wailing about how I’d embarrassed you.”

“ _ Embarrass _ —Is that what you thought I would feel of when you killed all those Jedi? Embarrassment?” she demanded and her voice cracked with her fury.

He snorted. “I think you told everyone who would listen that I died on that planet rather than have anyone know that I turned away from your teachings.”

Her face tightened and she spat out, “you were a foul child then and you’ve grown into an  _ evil  _ man. All those people. For what? For your ego?”

Kylo gave her a bored look. “Still so out of touch with your son. All those people for _ her. _ My bonded is worth a  _ hundred _ systems. I will destroy this base, there will be no more Resistance, and now the Republic will fall with you.”

“No!” She fired her blaster at him and he used his lightsaber to deflect the bolt, sending it careening towards the soldiers who ducked out of the way. They all fired upon him but he used the Force to freeze the blasts.

He chuckled. “If you want to kill me, mother, you’ll need to get a bit closer.”

Kylo could see Rey in his peripheral vision getting up, but he sent his thoughts to her to take out the soldiers and he’d handle his mother. She nodded in understanding. Her lightsaber was gone but she was still a Knight—the deadliest of all warriors in the galaxy.

Leia ignited her blue lightsaber and Kylo smiled before launching towards her. Rey still had not mastered the skill of being able to hold off blaster bolt fire like Kylo had. However, she was able to dodge quite easily as she swung around the room, knocking the soldiers out one by one. Others poured in but they fall quickly like the rest.

That is, until Luke Skywalker joined the fray. Kylo could hear the man igniting his green lightsaber and his quiet words rang out, “I do not want to fight you, girl.”

“That’s a shame,” she drawled, “I tend to be rather sore with people who knock me unconscious.”

She dodged all of his swipes at her and Kylo wasn't sure how she could hope to defeat a Jedi master with no lightsaber—but as always she surprised him. He heard the tell-tale sound of the lightsaber hitting something hard and his eyes flitted over towards the other fight. His former apprentice was once again proving how worthy she was of the responsibility he placed with her.

Rey’s metal arm flew across the room when she allowed Skywalker’s lightsaber to go through it. He was taken aback for only a fraction of a second, but that’s all she needed to completely crush his throat using the Force. The man dropped his saber and staggered back into the wall as he struggled to breathe.

She stood still and Kylo turned his attention back towards his faltering mother. It was time to end this charade once and for all. He struck out at her, his saber going through her chest and he took a grim sort of satisfaction in the way her eyes met his and he was able to witness her complete defeat. Kylo Ren stood back as she fell to the ground, blood leaking in thin rivulets from the burning wound. 

He had turned away from this mother’s crumped form, his victory all but complete as he walked towards Rey. 

His hand came up and he hadn’t been able to stop the happiness and relief that filled his very being when her hand came out as well. But then her eyes had widened and everything changed.

The pain of the blaster bolt had ripped through his side and he’d felt his eyes widen as he realized that it wasn’t his pain that he was feeling. Kylo Ren felt his life bleeding away from him and he held on to her for as long as possible. His arms were around her while blood oozed between them and she looked devastated. 

He looked back and General Organa had stared at them, her fingers shaking but the gun still smoking in her hand. He’d not been able to stop the cry of pain and all around them, the unconscious soldiers and his mother . . . They all perished as he drew on the Force. Nothing but ash left in their wake.

And then he’d collapsed and Rey was clutching at him.

“You promised you’d never leave me.” she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes. “You said you’d never let me go.”

“I know.” He said through his pain. His heart was breaking.  If this was to be the end, he’d finish it with her. 

Rey smiled sadly. “I wish I could have promised the same.” She coughed and red began leaking from her mouth. 

He shook his head wildly.  _ No no no no no! _ “I will save you. I won’t let—”

“ _ Kylo. _ ” She took a stuttering breath. “I know I never said it and I kept so much of myself from you. But . . . I need you to know that I . . . ”  

She was gone and he was shattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my second Exchange fill and I have another shorter one on here as well.
> 
> The OP's request was for: "Something very angsty. This probably makes me sound like a terrible person but I love reading fics where one half of the ship dies and the other half is left mourning and completely torn apart. I'm always a fan of that, especially if they never really admitted their feelings until moments before or just after the death. I'm terrible ugh i love angst. "
> 
> Believe me OP, I am right there with you. I love me some angst. I've not ever written a death scene but it wasn't as easy to do as I'd hoped. When it comes to a death scene, the reader has to know and like the the characters enough for them to actually feel anything when it happens. As a result, I needed to write a lot more so the reader could bond with these versions of Rey and Kylo. Hopefully I succeeded.
> 
> Lastly, I did write a short kinda-sequel that's in the next chapter but if you're content with this ending, then by all means, stop here. :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote this as sort of a pseudo sequel but if you prefer the angsty dead ending from the last chapter, you don't have to read this.

Reyes sat in the small coffee shop, sipping her tea. It was a cold day and frost dotted the window beside her. It was quiet in the shop today, the cold keeping many people indoors. New York in February wasn’t a fun time for anyone to be outside for any length of time. But this was her favorite coffee shop and she was just across the street from her loft.

Her book laid nearly forgotten as she looked over the snow and salt covered road outside, the slush becoming darker with each passing car. The other shops were open but few people were out, which was why the dark figure that passed in front of the glass caught her attention. As did the fact that he’d almost walked by the shop completely.

But he stopped, his steps faltering before the door. She could only see his back, clad in a long dark coat as he stood there for a few seconds. She wanted him to come inside. Reyes didn’t know why, didn’t understand the pull to this other person. But it was like she had been sitting in this coffee shop for the last three years . . . waiting for him to come.

His visage was blocked from her as he turned and entered the shop but she could see the long dark hair that curled around his neck and shoulders. He stepped up to the counter and his voice was low as he ordered a coffee. He moved around and her breath picked up slightly.

She saw him remove his gloves to reveal long pale fingers that wrapped around the hot cup. The dark-haired man again stood at the counter for a few seconds before finally turning around.

He was all at once familiar and not. Beauty marks dotted the long pale face and he was not what one would call classically handsome. But he had a beauty all his own. Reyes could not place where she’d seen that face but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she should know him.

His eyes met hers he seemed as taken aback by her as she was with him. They looked upon one another for what felt like hours or days or weeks, memorizing the shape of the other’s face. Eventually his gaze slid to the seat across from her and she held her breath as he walked forward. His steps were slow and unsure but she wished they weren't, if only so he’d get to her sooner.

Eventually he came to stand before her and her hand gestured to the seat. He blinked and swallowed a bit but he sat down. His long legs crowded hers under the tiny table and his large size dwarfed the petite furniture of the shop. She’d pick a different place to sit next time . . . 

They were silent for a while and the only movement was the the curly steam from their cups. 

Finally Reyes smiled. “Hello.”

The man’s eyes snapped to her lips as she spoke as if cataloguing the movement.

“Hello,” he said in return.

She didn’t reach a hand out as she said, “I’m Rey.”

He smiled softly. “I’m Kyle.”

**Author's Note:**

> Big thank you to my editors, Sarah([Firelord65](http://archiveofourown.org/users/firelord65/pseuds/firelord65)), Kristen([SpectreAntiHero](http://archiveofourown.org/users/SpectreAntiHero/pseuds/SpectreAntiHero)) and Emily([Mster70](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mster70/pseuds/Mster70)).


End file.
